Game of Thrones is the type of show where everyone from a main character to an unfortunate horse could die at a moment’s notice (or less). Season 7 is uncharted territory for over a year now, readers of George R.R. Martin’s A Song of Ice and Fire have been as in the dark as HBO viewers about what’s next to come for our most beloved and loathsome characters.
Desperate times call for desperate measures, so Mashable assembled our small council (me + my editor) and asked the old gods (a Magic 8 Ball) what Season 7 has in store.
Because the gods can be wiley, we were very specific in phrasing our question: “Will [character] die in Season 7 of Game of Thrones?”
The results, below, were shocking.
1. Jaime Lannister – “Better not tell you now”
Magic 8 Ball began our exercise ambiguously. Does this mean Jaime isn’t dying now, or that Magic 8 Ball wants to spare us the pain of painful anticipation?
2. Cersei Lannister – “Without a doubt”
To quote me and my editor in the moment: “OOOOOHHHHH!!!”
A follow up question, Magic 8 Ball: Does Jaime kill Cersei?
Magic 8 Ball: “Most likely.”
3. Tyrion Lannister – “Most likely”
I don’t know about that, Magic 8 Ball. Our boy is a fan favorite, which makes him a prime candidate for death, but he’s also extremely smart and strategic. He survived Blackwater Bay, his own death sentence, and a life spent in Cersei’s company. “Most likely” isn’t a guarantee so I’ll take that bet.
4. Daenerys Targaryen – “Outlook not so good”
Another consummate survivor, Daenerys is back in Westeros, surrounded by enemies who mostly want her dead, even if they fear her armies and dragons. “Outlook not so good” we took to mean regarding the question, aka she is likely going to survive. SHE HAS TO.
5. Jon Snow – “Don’t count on it”
Well, that’s nothing we haven’t dealt with before.
6. Sansa Stark – “Outlook good”
This is perplexing, because technically “outlook good” here means that the outlook of Sansa dying is good, but that is in fact not a good thing. Or maybe Magic 8 Ball isn’t being a grammatical stickler here and is telling us that the general outlook on Sansa’s survival is good, and that she’ll be okay.
We sure hope so.
7. Arya Stark – “Without a doubt”
Arya is a stone-cold killer now. There’s no way she’s going down, not without a vicious, bloody fight and a trail of carnage left in her wake.
8. Bran Stark – “Don’t count on it”
Ugh, great. More Bran.
9. Petyr Baelish – “My sources say no”
Your sources or your little birds, Magic 8 Ball? Either way, Little Finger’s survival seems like one of the only things we can count on in this show.
10. Theon Greyjoy – “Concentrate and ask again”
My apologies, Magic 8 Ball. *concentrates*
Magic 8 Ball: “Ask again later.”
I thought I…okay. Um…
Magic 8 Ball: “Better not tell you now.”
Yeah, you’re clearly stalling. MAGIC 8 BALL WHAT IS GOING ON HERE?
Magic 8 Ball: “My reply is no.”
As usual, Theon is far more trouble than he’s worth.
11. Brienne: “Ask again”
Excuse me? Fine…
Magic 8 Ball: “Yes definitely.”
THAT IS THE WRONG ANSWER NO NO NO.
12. Ser Jorah Mormont – “My sources say no”
Really? He is the character most likely to already be dead.
13. Varys – “Reply hazy try again”
That makes sense, since Varys is constantly shifting motivations to stay on top of the game. Let’s give it a moment…
Magic 8 Ball: “Most likely.”
It was going to happen sooner or later, Varys.
14. Bronn – “My sources say no”
You’re damn right they do, leave Bronn alone.
15. Ellaria Sand – “Reply hazy try again”
I sneezed during that one; that’s on me.
Magic 8 Ball, round two: “Without a doubt.”
16. The Hound – “Ask again later”
This damn thing. *shakes vigorously*
Magic 8 Ball: “You may rely on it.”
We may? That’s appropriately vague for a man we thought dead at the end of Season 4 who’s proven to have resilience. If nothing else, we can rely on his selfishness.
17. The Mountain – “It is decidedly so”
Game of Thrones Season 7 premieres July 16.
Read more: http://mashable.com/